Miho Kinnas

Tanka Translation in a Novel

"On a Stone Pillow" is Murakami's short story collected in "First Person Singular" (Knoph, 2020, translated by Philip Gabriel.) Here, the narrator tells the story of a woman who wrote tanka. There are several tanka (we assume Murakami wrote them), and I find it safe to consider them not bad for an amateur. However, the translation read, to me, instead dismissing. The plain translation might reveal how the protagonist felt reading them. The prosy lines may be better accepted by novel (non-poetry) readers. The following are an attempt to make tanka a bit more fun for poetry readers! Also, I wanted them to be in five lines instead of four, as done in the book. This is just for fun! Do you want to try it, too?"


あなたと
わたしって遠いの
でしたっけ?
木星乗り継ぎ
でよかったかしら?

You and I
are we really so far apart?
Should I, maybe
Have changed trains at Jupiter? (Philip Gabriel)

Are we
really so far
apart?
Is it ok
to transfer at Jupiter? (Miho Kinnas)

石のまくら
に耳をあてて
聞こえるは
流される血の
音のなさ、なさ

When I press my ear
against the stone pillow
The sound of blood flowing
is absent, absent (Philip Gabriel)

When I press my ear
against the stone pillow
I hear the absent-ness of
absent sound of forced
flow of blood (Miho Kinnas)

今のとき
ときが今なら
この今を
ぬきさしならぬ
今とするしか

The present moment
if it is the present moment
can only be taken
as the inescapable present (Philip Gabriel)

It is now
if now is it
this is it
no other way
but now is it (Miho Kinnas)

やまかぜに 
首を刎ねられて
言葉なく
あじさいの根本に
六月の水

In the mountain wind
a head cut off
without a word
June water at the roots of
a hydrangea (Philip Gabriel)

The wind from the mountain
cut off the head
it lies without a word
at the root of a hydrangea:
June water (Miho Kinnas)

また二度と
逢うことはないと
おもいつつ
逢えないわけは
ないとも思い

As I consider that
we’ll never meet again
I also consider how
there’s no reason that we cannot (Philip Gabriel)

I may never
see you again
but then again why on earth
would I never
see you again (Miho Kinnas)

会えるのか
ただこのままに
おわるのか
光にさそわれ
影に踏まれ

Will we meet
or will it simply end like this
drawn by the light
trampled by shadows (Philip Gabriel)

Can I see
you again or
is this it?
light lifts
shadow trample (Miho Kinnas)

午後をとおし
この降りしきる
雨にまぎれ
名もなき斧が
たそがれを斬首

Lost in this incessant
afternoon downpour
a nameless ax
decapitates the twilight (Philip Gabriel)

It rained
all afternoon and
nobody sees
a nameless ax
beheading the twilight (Miho Kinnas)

たち切るも
たち切られるも
石のまくら
うなじつければ
ほら、塵となる

Whether you cut it off
or someone else cuts it off
If you put your neck on the stone pillow
believe it — you will turn to dust (Philip Gabriel)

Let it go
or be let go
the neck
on the stone pillow
turns to dust (Miho Kinnas)

article by Miho Kinnas, 2022

Miho teaches Translations of Murakami at the Tender Leaves Translation Online Academy.

Miho Kinnas is a poet and translator between English and Japanese. She co-translated a book of poems by Ikuko Tanaka with Shelly Bryant. Her poetry, translations, and book reviews were published in various journals, and The Belletrist Magazine nominated her poem "End" for The Pushcart prize in 2018. She has led poetry workshops based on haiku and renku at Pat Conroy Literary Festival, Harvard Art Museum, Shanghai Literary Festival, Life-Long Learning of Hilton Head, Bluffton Book Fair, USCB, Beaufort County Schools, and Montessori May River. Her creative works, as well as workshop material, often include her translations from various literature. Miho Kinnas is a poet and translator between English and Japanese. She co-translated a book of poems by Ikuko Tanaka with Shelly Bryant. Her poetry, translations, and book reviews were published in various journals, and The Belletrist Magazine nominated her poem "End" for The Pushcart prize in 2018. She has led poetry workshops based on haiku and renku at Pat Conroy Literary Festival, Harvard Art Museum, Shanghai Literary Festival, Life-Long Learning of Hilton Head, Bluffton Book Fair, USCB, Beaufort County Schools, and Montessori May River. Her creative works, as well as workshop material, often include her translations from various literature.